work out

It’s September

Posted on by Rachael

So I haven’t written all summer… and I should have. I’m getting over this idea that I go through these periods of writing and not writing. It’s okay, I’m writing again, and I’m grateful for these moments of clarity.

I moved out of my ex’s house. I wrote earlier that I probably truly wouldn’t be able to take care of myself there, knowing that it would never end the way that I wanted it to. So I had to leave. It’s not something I really want to write about right now, but I’m sure it will come. Just know that it was one of the hardest and easiest things I’ve ever done.

I spent the majority of August, playing and taking care of my new place and the fucking fleas that still live here. I’m calling my landlord Tuesday in hopes he has better news and hopefully send these fuckers packing, they are not welcome here..

Either way, it’s September now and I’m trying to look up into the world in a new light.

Yesterday was tough, I cried all day because I didn’t feel good about things. I was sad because it suddenly sunk in how lonely life can be with out waking up to your person, and going to sleep with them by your side. You are suddenly solely responsible for yourself. Your own eating, your own waking up on time, your own bills, your own everything and not to mention your emotional well being. I ended my day among friends, while watching friends, drinking diet coke with vodka and smoking a cigarette. It was exactly what I needed, and I felt okay about it. I don’t make a habit of smoking, but I’ve been known to throw back a few every once in a while.

I went to sleep last night with this new mindset in mind. I was going to go for a run. Well… Walk run… okay mostly walk. But I did get a wave from a cute guy recognizing I was out taking care of myself. Now I’m not going to dive too deep into this because I want to write a post in a bit how I hit a deer with my car probably 3 Christmases ago…. It will make sense when I write it and the weird symbolism in it.

Anyway, It’s September, I have a lot of ideas, I have a lot of things that have changed besides my current relationship status, and I have goals to write more often.

 

 

February 22nd, 2017

Posted on by Rachael

It’s been a while since I’ve last written, this I know.

I haven’t been writing due to avoiding the truth about my life at the present moment. I’m not totally ready to write about this, but I can write about this allusive February 22nd day I titled this post.

In February, I had been contemplating becoming a vegan for the month of March. I think in the past I have written about wanting to eat more intuitively, and being vegan, is one of the most deepest intuitions I have about the foods I put in my body.

SO with this idea I started to plan (because I know planning is one of the ways I can be successful with food and goals), and realized between my friends bachelorette party, and wedding in March, I didn’t have enough practice and experience, or I wouldn’t by that point to fully eat vegan. I did join several vegan and vegetarian Facebook groups. It wasn’t a mistake, but it totally confirmed my feelings about being a vegan, and I ended up making the choice to become a vegetarian at that moment. I was traumatized.

I started reading a thread about documentaries, and all I could think about after just reading the thread (not even watching the documentaries), was about screaming cows. The next day I distributed all of the food that I had in the house that had dairy or meat in them. I had been cooking mostly vegetarian for the last 2 years anyway, it was an easy transition.

So, I’m a vegetarian now, aspiring vegan.

I no longer get cream in my americano’s, and now will use almond milk or even better coconut milk. I buy a lot of vegan cheeses and will use that quite often instead of regular cheese, and well I still eat eggs.

The first month was interesting to say the least. I went to an all day training about two days after this decision was made, and I didn’t fully prepare myself with the food for that day. There was a spread of food that was provided and the only things that were even close to vegan, and I know were not fully vegan because they were bagels, and fruit. ALL CARBS. ALL CARBS. I did bring some coconut yogurt, some veggies and hummus, and I ate a veggie subway sandwich with no cheese, and some chips. All I know was, when I went home at the end of the day was my head hurt and I was hungry. I also had chosen values over food. Meanwhile, I should have just ate the string cheese, because that would have probably helped in the afternoon.

Later that month, we got nacho’s and they had no meat on them, and I ate them… When I got to the bottom, I realized that the refried beans I had just consumed were probably 99% not vegetarian.

Lots to learn! Lots to come.

The little voice that begs to control my brain again and again.

Posted on by Rachael

I’m writing a short post from my phone… 

I just want to say it’s beautiful outside (because my energy is up), I got off early and I haven’t worked out all week and knew I had to tonight. I mean, I don’t have to do anything really, but I didn’t want to go another day passing with our doing it. I didn’t want to make a habit of not doing it. 

I got home, I put my work out clothes on and I laid on my bed feeling super unmotivated. The wheels were turning in my brain. I did not want to work out and the little monster inside kept telling me not to. 

Well, I did it anyway. I found a new video, which was 45 min, the first part of it was 15 minutes, and I was checking my Fitbit every 5 minutes to see where I was at. After 15 min, I switched to a different video that was 22 min long. I did that one too, and when I was done my energy had shifted! I feel so much better! 

I just have to say that when the little negative wheel was turning in my brain I talked to myself, I closed my eyes and just did the work out. I said it’s okay if you don’t look like that person. It’s okay if your moving slow, the point is you are doing it. Before I knew it, I was enjoying myself and it was over! 

Have a good weekend ya’ll.